Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 at 1:44 pm
Here’s the deal. If you read some of the examples on that link I posted the other day, you’ll know what this is. It’s a prank, of sorts. There’s this guy who plays World of Warcraft on the same server as my roommate. And because Scott’s primary character is a hot female Night Elf, this other guy is utterly convinced that Scott must also be a female. Now, it’s partly Scott’s fault for encouraging the poor bastard. But still, it’s just plain wrong. So when this guy gave us his AIM screen name in order to talk outside the WoW server, we decided to have a little fun by resurrecting one of my super-old screennames. At first, it was just a simple “let’s keep the joke going” thing. We even threw in some movie lines (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Orgazmo, etc.) to see if he’d catch on. However, very early on in the first conversation, it became apparent that this guy wasn’t going to give up. So rather than keep the joke going for awhile and then dash the guy’s hopes gently, it evolved into a “how far do we have to go before he gets disgusted and never wants to talk to us again.”
So I really wanted to try and drag this whole experiment out a little while longer. But two things sort of put a stop to it. In the first place, Lisi came down to visit, and to be perfectly honest, it was a lot more fun to actually do stuff with her, rather than talk about doing stuff with this guy. Just so you know, I love and respect Lisi way too much to ever do the stuff with her that I talk about doing in the conversation. The conversation was all about going for the gross-out. I’d never try it in real life. And the second thing that happened is we’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that he knows what we’re doing and is just playing along. Because, really now, no person in their right mind should be still trying to talk to us at this point. So our experiment sort of fizzled out. But the chat log is still an… “entertaining” read. But be warned: it’s pretty disgusting stuff. If you’ve got a weak stomach, you may want to steer clear. And it’s definitely NSFW.
Here’s a small (and work-safe) preview to whet your appetite. Then click on the links below the sample to view the entire conversations. The target’s screenname has been changed to protect the sick little fucker. My screenname is still visible, but this was the first time I’d used it in at least a year, so if you’re gonna try to spam me or something, you may have a hard time doing so.
THE TARGET: i dont know about u but i am a better runer then swimmer
sexxxy16girl6969: i’m a much better swimmer
THE TARGET: sexy
sexxxy16girl6969: i had to swim across the rio grande to get into America
THE TARGET: lol
sexxxy16girl6969: my dad makes $5.15 an hour at mcdonalds
sexxxy16girl6969: yay for the great american dream
THE TARGET: lol
THE TARGET: i know
sexxxy16girl6969: it’s not quite enough to take care of all fourteen of us. but it’s better than nothing.
Here’s the links. Enjoy.
Posted on Friday, July 8, 2005 at 11:21 pm
Yes, yes, I should make new posts every once in awhile. So sue me. But, I’ve got something in the works that will totally blow your friggin’ mind. I’ll give you a hint: AIM chat transcript. Check out some of the pranks at Something Awful for an idea of what I’m doing. But… with all due respect to my favorite comedy website ever… they’ve got nothing on me. Seriously. It’s that bad!!!
So, until I decide that the, um, “experiment” is finished, enjoy this thing. My aunt, an ultra-conservative Cult of Christ member, tends to forward me lots of religious and/or Republican propaganda email that generally disgusts and insults me. But, for once, something she sent me didn’t immediately send me into convulsions. It’s non-denominational, bi-partisan, good, good stuff. And it actually does a pretty good job of summing up my current feelings towards the war, the world, and the president. I slightly modified it for continuity and grammatical correctitude, because apparently the person who originally wrote it was drunk and/or fucktarded. But yeah. Here it is. It’s kind of long, but it’s worth the read. Enjoy.
WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Mess with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not provoking us for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska – which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.”
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
Posted on Saturday, July 2, 2005 at 12:07 am
The problem with contract work is that there’s really no such thing as weekends. I don’t go into any office to work, I just do it out of my bedroom. So, technically, any time I’m sitting in front of my computer (which is pretty much constantly), I could be (or should be) working. These guys are paying me shit-tons of money to make a website for them, so there’s really no such thing as “clocking out for the day.” I work when I work, I work when they call me and need something, you get the picture. Finally, earlier this afternoon, I got done with the bulk of the items on my shortlist of To Do stuff. After spending the last week catering to every batshit-insane suggestion they could come up with, I finished it. I called the guy who signs my checks, and showed him what I’d done. He liked it. He then told me that, unless worldwide nuclear war broke out, he would not call me until Tuesday. “Take the weekend off. You’ve earned it.”
THANK CHRIST!!! I do not have to worry about Fund America Now until at least Tuesday. I can actually spend time paying attention to my own website again.
So I took advantage of the opportunity, and got a new Theme done today, called “Reset Dirty.” It’s sort of like the old “Nine” siteskin, but not really. I’m not making it the default theme, because I’m really not sure how much I like it yet. I may end up tweaking the images a little bit. I dunno. But you’re more than welcome to select it from the Themes list on the right side of the page. It doesn’t look all that complicated, but it was actually a bitch to figure out how to put the top graphic on top of a repeating background without leaving edge marks. Then I wanted to make the content text start somewhere in the middle of the top graphic without actually splitting the file, so that was a whole other issue.
Also, I did a bit of maintenance on the other three themes. I added a Buttons section to the sidebar for a few Antipixel buttons, and cleaned up a couple little XHTML errors that I never noticed before, to make sure the page validates. Now it does. Yay. CSS needs a bit of upkeep as well, though, since currently it’s got two errors and a handful of warnings when I try to validate it. But I’m lazy, so I’ll get it later. Or something.
That’s all for today. You go away now. I’m going to fall asleep and not wake up until noon.