Translate this!
Posted on Monday, August 29, 2005 at 9:23 am
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Vivamus luctus lacus non libero. Sed in est. Ut adipiscing malesuada dui. Quisque in quam. In vel erat et massa dignissim suscipit. Vestibulum elementum lorem nec neque. Aliquam facilisis libero eget turpis. Nullam a purus. In diam odio, gravida sed, sollicitudin et, euismod eu, nisi. Suspendisse eleifend sapien vel ipsum. Maecenas volutpat erat eu est condimentum ullamcorper. Cras fringilla arcu a nulla. Etiam gravida libero ac mauris. Phasellus at felis pellentesque augue lobortis iaculis. Aliquam ultricies nibh non ante. Donec scelerisque libero at arcu. Vestibulum elementum est quis augue. Praesent quis velit et tellus iaculis nonummy. Nunc cursus, nisi vitae suscipit viverra, nunc mi tincidunt leo, eu ultricies ipsum sapien sed justo. Vivamus est odio, vestibulum ut, sollicitudin at, mattis tempus, elit.
Donec metus libero, rhoncus at, porttitor sit amet, bibendum non, eros. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Donec blandit, ante eu sollicitudin feugiat, elit arcu scelerisque est, at rhoncus nisl lacus ac dui. Cras ultrices, diam eu iaculis sollicitudin, neque dolor feugiat lectus, in hendrerit ipsum dolor vel lorem. Phasellus sollicitudin blandit arcu. Etiam euismod arcu quis nisl. Donec pulvinar leo ut nisl. Quisque posuere vestibulum odio. Proin sed libero consectetuer augue fermentum vulputate. Praesent faucibus massa. Cras et diam. In velit. Suspendisse eget ante eget dolor tempor vestibulum. Vivamus tempus augue et dolor.
Donec diam felis, imperdiet eu, semper eget, tempor a, turpis. Vivamus a nibh. Integer viverra urna eget sapien. Ut pellentesque pede quis dolor. Ut non orci. Cras at leo. Vivamus lacus enim, nonummy sed, pulvinar sit amet, sagittis eu, tortor. Nulla facilisi. Maecenas nec nisl ac neque interdum pulvinar. Cras vel est. Pellentesque posuere velit ut ante. Nam augue magna, adipiscing quis, dapibus vel, fringilla sit amet, odio. Proin hendrerit, magna vitae placerat sagittis, risus lacus imperdiet nisl, nec feugiat libero sapien vitae lectus. Integer egestas sem at velit.
Ut sed nibh id orci tincidunt mattis. Donec quis neque ut eros accumsan accumsan. Sed tortor mi, cursus vel, volutpat ac, placerat et, magna. Sed libero nibh, feugiat eu, cursus ultrices, aliquet ac, velit. Praesent malesuada augue id felis. Etiam tempus ante sed turpis. Nunc semper adipiscing sapien. Pellentesque vestibulum dolor eu lectus. Nulla eu urna. Mauris malesuada semper lorem. Vestibulum suscipit orci at pede. Cras iaculis. Aliquam nonummy nisl quis metus.
Nullam tincidunt est eu ipsum. Integer quis eros. Etiam eros eros, malesuada sed, adipiscing at, pellentesque congue, sem. Ut tempor laoreet purus. Curabitur ac felis mollis pede cursus convallis. Nunc sit amet est. Donec aliquet lectus. Integer aliquam elementum tortor. Quisque erat est, tempus vel, interdum a, commodo hendrerit, nisl. Donec eget pede. Cras tellus. Etiam mollis lectus pretium ipsum. Donec nunc. Maecenas nisi. Suspendisse metus felis, elementum at, aliquam in, iaculis id, dui. Sed quis neque ut velit mollis tempor. Etiam enim mi, ultricies lobortis, tincidunt non, ornare nec, turpis. Nulla facilisi.
6 Comments
Did that sound gay?
Posted on Friday, August 26, 2005 at 11:48 pm
I have three little notes of preface to the following post.
One: I am completely secure in my masculinity and heterosexuality. I’m a dude, and I’m straight. Really.
Two: Two-ish weeks ago, I married the most beautiful girl in the world. And one of my friends, Tiffany, will back me up on this. Her post is pretty long, and I come in near the end, but I assure you, she agrees with me. Thanks, Tiffany!
Three: I’m kinda drunk at the moment.
So, with those three little statements out of the way, I present to you… my post.
Johnny Depp is fucking hot. Seriously. I own a good deal of his movies. I’ve seen a good deal more of his movies. And he’s damn sexy. In keeping with the spirit of open-mindedness and what-not, Lisi and I have our respective “lists.” You know… the list of the ten celebrities that, if the opportunity ever presents itself, you’re allowed to sleep with, no questions asked. Her list is all dudes (The Johnny is at the top of her list), and my list is all chicks. But Johnny Depp is definitely an “honorable mention” on my list. He’s not in the ten, but he’s pretty close to number eleven.
One of my friends (whose name I won’t mention at this particular junction in time) wrote a song about Mel Gibson. I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but the general point of the song was something along the lines of “I’m not gay, but I’d like to do you.” The same thing applies to me and The Johnny.
Ok, I suppose I’d better shut up before I say too much… as if I haven’t already.
But… I swear to God, I’m totally straight, and I still think Johnny Depp is about damn hot. And if you look deep inside yourself, you’ll have to admit that you’ve got one too. It may not be The Johnny, but I bet you’ve got someone up there.
K, I’m done. You go away now.
Let’s all laugh about this post in the morning when I wake up nursing a hangover.
5 Comments
Back. In black.
Posted on Thursday, August 25, 2005 at 4:24 pm
So I’m back, finally.
We spent our honeymoon at my grandparents’ lake house, which is way the fuck out in Butt-Fuck Egypt. No phone lines, no garbage pickup, not even an actual mailing address to speak of. Supposedly the street it’s on is named, but I only found that out quite recently. So there was no real way for me to get onto the internet and give you all the explicit details of how I spent my honeymoon. As such, I shall proceed to do that now…
First, I took off her…
Wait, fuck you. I’m not gonna tell you about that. Get your own wife, and you’ll figure it out.
So I got back from that, and got back to Texas, and the last four-ish days have been spent moving my (former) roommate out into his own apartment, and moving all my wife’s schtuff into our apartment, and spending all the gobs and gobs of gift cards we got as wedding presents. Yay for (mostly) free stuff!
Hmm… what else… since I had the assigned parking space in the apartment, my (former) roommate got the master bedroom. Since he’s gone, we’ve moved into it. So I just now got my computer set up in there. Actually, I just now got my computer turned back on. Because Scott was using my power supply while I was away (his decided to choke on its own vomit or something), he’d ordered me a new one which was supposed to arrive before I even got back to Texas. It didn’t. I didn’t get it till last night, and just now got everything all nice and hooked back up. So I’ve been stuck on my little iBook until today. God bless dual monitors. Seriously. It really makes me want to make out with my computer now. Honestly. I’m not kidding. Actually…. I’m going to do that right now.
Mbleghwuah!!!! Slobber slobber! Tongue!! *BZZT!* Ow, fuck you computer. Stupid fans cutting off my tongue. I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little heatsink too!
Ok, I guess I’m done now. Nothing else to say, really. Oh, yeah, we did get cable service (in addition to the cable internet I already had). And a nice 32″ TV to watch it on. And wouldn’t you know it, the first night I finally get to watch Adult Swim in like, sixteen zillion years, they play the first damn episode, which I’ve already seen like sixteen zillion times.
Ok, seriously, done now. Not saying anything else.
Ever.
EVAR!!!!!
1 Comment
So this is it…
Posted on Friday, August 12, 2005 at 9:07 am
Here’s my last post as a single person. Or something. And I won’t be making many other posts for at least a week or so, cuz I’ll be on my honeymoon somewhere out in East Jesus with no internet connection at all. So rather than some dumb post about getting married or something silly like that, here’s a story about pandas.
===
Billy the Panda sat on his front porch watching the sunset. He knew he should be inside cleaning and getting ready for the company, but he was just too goddamn lazy to really care. Let them see his messy den, with enough half-eaten bamboo shoots falling out of the trash can to kill a small water buffalo. His family hated him, and he hated his family. The only reason they were coming was so they could laugh at how badly he was screwing up his life. They didn’t understand that he was single and jobless for artistic reasons. When he was dead, the world would appreciate his art, maybe, but until then, everybody thought he was just a degenerate bastard.
None of his friends had been by in at least a year. All he had was his porch swing and an unlimited supply of water chestnuts to throw at any of those annoying neighbor kids who dared to venture into his yard. And they did. So he threw water chestnuts at them.
While he was waiting for his bastard family to show up, he was working on cooking up a nice hangover for tomorrow. He hoped that by the time they got here, he’d be drunk enough to put up with them. And “drunk enough to put up with them” generally required almost enough bamboo wine to cause alcohol poisoning in anyone but the most practiced alcoholics.
Just as the sun was about to fall past the horizon, a little kid ran out of the bushes and into his yard. They thought it was fun to dare each other to see how far they could get before getting brained by water chestnuts. So Billy the Panda scooped up a handful of them from the bucket beside his chair, and threw them as hard as he could.
And when those water chestnuts hit the kid, the kid exploded in a great fiery blast that shook the whole neighborhood. Debris from a nearby tree flew up towards Billy’s porch and decapitated him. And everyone in town talked about poor old Headless Billy for the next fifty years.
The end.
4 Comments
Ooooh…. the ticking clock!!!
Posted on Thursday, August 4, 2005 at 5:28 pm
EDITED:
Seeing as how the javascript countdown has now expired and is probably causing errors on the page, I’ve removed it. It was counting down to 1:00pm on August 13, 2005, just in case you were wondering. Go away now.
