Happy Christmahaunakwanzakah!
Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 at 9:00 pm
…and a happy new calendar cycle!
Now what the hell are you doing reading my stupid blog!? Get back to your families!
2 Comments
Dammit… I hate cats!
Posted on Friday, December 16, 2005 at 11:51 pm
But if you were standing outside and it’s like 35 degrees, and she comes up and starts rubbing on your leg, would you really be able to not bring her in?
So yeah… two days before we’re flying to Kansas City and moving out of this apartment, we’ve sort of been adopted by a kitten. We’re guessing she’s about 3 months old or so. Seriously, you have no idea how much I hate cats. But she was all shivering, and meowing, and just so fucking pathetic looking that we couldn’t leave her outside in the cold. Her name is PD. I wanted to name her “Puppy Dog” but Lisi thought that was dumb, so we compromised on just PD, or Petey, depending on how you prefer to spell it.
That’s pretty much it. Lordy, Lordy, what have we gotten ourselves into?!
9 Comments
Awesome.
Posted on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 11:06 am
NEWSFLASH!
King Kong: fucking awesome. The fight scene with Kong and the T-rex’s is quite possibly the most badass thing I have ever seen in my life. The first hour or so was a little slow, but after it got going, it really got going good. The only thing in that movie that was almost as big as the monkey was Adrian Brody’s nose. Seriously, people. That guy’s got one big ol’ honkin’ schnoz! Also, I sort of wonder how Naomi Watts’ little spaghetti-strap nightgown managed to stay in one piece after she was dragged all over the damn island by Kong. You’d think those straps would have broke or something after the first couple times she got picked up and shook around. Then we’d see some TITTIES floppin’ around! But no, she was wearing her trusty titanium nightgown.
NEWSFLASH!
I totally passed all my classes. 2 A’s, a B, and 2 C’s. Go me. And the two C’s only knocked my final GPA down by .01, which is nice cuz it means I still graduated with over a 3.0 GPA. Not that I particularly care about it all that much at this point, since I’ve already got a job all lined up and everything. But they keep telling me I might care eventually when I have to go find another job. Apparently employers care about such things.
NEWSFLASH!
We’re almost done packing. Which is good. Because if I had much more of it, I’d probably stab someone.
NEWSFLASH!
Those goddamn gnomes are back! They’re stealing my underwear again! But they also mended some of my socks last night. So I guess it’s a fair trade. But I really wish they’d stop spraypainting anti-Semitic slogans all over my hallway and leaving their empty beer bottles all over my living room.
NEWSFLASH!
Ok, so, the empty beer bottles all over my living room may have been my fault. Not the gnomes. But the anti-Semitic graffiti is all them, and I’ll take no part in it.
NEWSFLASH!
You go away now.
2 Comments
Awesome recipe!
Posted on Tuesday, December 13, 2005 at 5:09 pm
Normally, I’m really not into the whole “email forwarding” scene… you know… where… someone at the office gets a funny email and forwards it to everyone they know, and each of them in turn forwards it to everyone they know, and blah blah blah until the thing has so many FW: FW: RE: FW: ASDF: POOP: crap in front of the subject header that it’s nearly unrecognizable. But my mother in law sent this, and it’s the best damn cooke recipe I’ve ever seen in my life. So, I’m passing it along to you. But I’ve stripped out all those stupid FW: tags and what-not, leaving you with only lots of recipe goodness…
Enjoy…
Cuervo Cookies
I know it’s a little early, but it is time to start baking for the holidays. This is the BEST Christmas Cookie recipe EVER!
Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in he beaterers just! pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS
28 Comments
Ok, so, what am I missing?
Posted on Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 9:15 pm
Lately, my wife has been watching this show on E! called “The Girls Next Door.” It’s some general-purpose “reality” show about the moronic lives of all these girls that live at the Playboy Mansion. It’s not my place to judge them, granted, but if they want to waste their life screwing a 79 year old guy with OLD WRINKLY BALLS, I guess that’s their decision.
But here’s something I don’t get. Tonight’s episode featured several of these girls bitching and moaning about how they’ve always wanted to be in Playboy – one girl even said she had wanted it since she was 5… which makes me think… why the hell were her parents letting her look at pr0n when she was 5? And also… why the hell weren’t my parents letting me look at pr0n when I was 5? But anyway, yeah, back on track. They’re all bitching and moaning about how much they want it and how they’re never going to get it. That is, to be a Playmate, featured in the magazine.
But here’s the thing. They’re already living at the Mansion. Maybe I just missed something, but I thought that’s how girls came to live at the Mansion in the first place. How can they get to the Mansion without first being in the magazine?
Not that it really matters. In my opinion, the girls on this show aren’t all that great looking, so I can understand why they’re not in the magazine. But I just thought the house and the pictorial went hand-in-hand.
Ok, that’s all I’ve got. I probably won’t be back on the blog for awhile, or at least not as often, for the next several weeks. I’ve got lots of packing and moving and all of that fucktardery to deal with. And then Christmas, and then MORE packing and moving and fucktardery. But then, after that, I’ll be in my new kickass apartment, working my new kickass job, and making kickass money with which to buy my kickass new system. Then I’ll post pictures of my new computer and office and whatever, so you can all see “where the magic happens,” as they say on MTV Cribs.
Yeah, that’s right. I said it. Now go away now. I have to go throw stuff at old people.
