10 things about me.
Posted on Thursday, January 25, 2007 at 6:57 pm
1. Despite any rumors you may have heard to the contrary, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a “holla back girl.” I know this may come as a shock to some of you who believed otherwise, but it’s true.
2. My hair is directly affected by lunar cycles. Each new moon, every hair on my entire body turns neon orange for about 45 seconds immediately after the moon rises. And you really don’t want to know what happens each full moon. It’s just not really something that should be discussed in polite company.
3. I once successfully wrestled with a giant python. In order to do this, I had to completely coat my body in a mixture of vegetable oil and Teflon scrapings. I also had to meditate for 10 hours in advance of the fight. After all this preparation, it took only 45 seconds for me to make the snake tap out of the ring.
4. I have two cats currently. This is down from an all-time high of 10 cats, 8 of which were sold to the local chinese restaurant and subsequently enjoyed thoroughly in one of the best, shall we say, “chicken” dishes I’ve ever eaten!
5. I speak ancient Babylonian fluently.
6. Since I was 4 years old, I have saved my toenail clippings in a mason jar which I keep on the nightstand in case of emergency. (In this case, “emergency” shall be defined as accidentally clipping too far into a given toenail and having to glue one of the old ones on in its place.)
7. I’m far too lazy for my own good, which means that I won’t be finishing this list of 10 things. I’m done at 7. Sorry for those of you who were (for reasons completely foreign to me) anticipating the final 3 things on this list. It just wasn’t meant to be.
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Tech Predictions for 2007.
Posted on Thursday, January 11, 2007 at 3:09 pm
As 2007 gets up and going, I want to take the opportunity to join the myriad other (much more qualified) bloggers and technology enthusiasts, in laying out my predictions for what sort of techy things will be going on this year. So that’s it. Yeah. Here’s my 10 predictions for what will happen in 2007.
1. Apple, Microsoft, and some random Linux distro that no one’s ever heard of, will all release new versions of their respective operating systems. Die-hard fanboys for each one will proceed to verbally abuse each other on Slashdot until the calamity comes to a head near the oak tree after school, where a Mexican standoff of nerds will start limp-wristedly slapping each other.
2. Apple will release iPhone, combining two of their most highly rumored products, the “real” Video iPod, and of course the iPhone itself, into one device. Unfortunately, since it’s locked to Cingular and costs a bloody fortune on top of two-year contract, no one will buy it. And for those that do, the beautiful touch-screen will get scratched to hell and back simply by looking at it wrong, and it will be entirely unusable within a week of purchase.
3. RIM will release a new Blackberry model. Nobody will care. Nobody will be buying the iPhone either, but it still beats yet another Blackberry.
4. The Internet as we know it will come to an end, when a packet routing error accidentally transforms an innocent picture of Britney Spears’ vagina into a self-replicating virus so devastating that only people still using Windows 3.1 are immune to it. All 6 of ‘em.
5. Republicans will threaten to legislate Wikipedia out of existence, when “0mg bu5h is teh suxx0r b1tch3s!!!” is plastered in 36pt text across the top of every single Republican congress-member’s Wikipedia entry.
6. Thanks to the new EULA in Windows Vista, Bill Gates will personally be in ur base, and he will in fact be killing ur d00dz. Seriously.
7. The second dot-com bubble will burst. The only website in the world that will survive the ensuing chaos will be a mirror of goatse. No one will have any idea how this happened.
8. Thanks to a random DNS mixup at their upstream provider, everyone using Starbucks’ WiFi will be accidentally redirected to a website detailing the actual costs that Starbucks pays per cup of coffee. No one will ever purchase anything from Starbucks again.
9. Google will release the GoogleOS, which would totally kick Windows’ ass if it weren’t for the fact that its version of the Start menu will contain advertisements for software products similar to the ones you’d installed, but not actually any of your programs themselves.
10. Firefox 3.0 will be released, and it will be so amazingly good that Bill Gates himself will become a convert, and immediately demand the closure of the entire Internet Explorer team. Unfortunately, most of the former IE team will be hired by Mozilla, whereupon they’ll begin work on Firefox 4.0, which will suck.
